Curtis Cook is a standup comedian and WGA Award-nominated writer who has puked after a keg stand on a show called Flophouse, traveled through an Ebola checkpoint for a segment on Vice News, appeared on IFC's Portlandia, performed standup on Comedy Central, and been featured on Vulture's Comedians You Should & Will Know list. In addition to performing, Curtis has written for the recent reboot of Crank Yankers, the critically acclaimed This Fool on Hulu, and the GLAAD nominated series American Dad on TBS. I can also say that my work has appeared on Fox, but only because one time Tucker Carlson did a whole segment about how much he hates my guts. Jokes on you, White Louis Farrakhan, 'cause now I get to use the Fox logo when I promote my events! What the fuck else am I supposed to put here? Should I list all the festivals I've done that no one gives a shit about? Huh?! The Salt Lake City Comedy Carnivale ringing any bells?!

You want me to tell you that I "shared the stage" with comics I once shook hands with at a poorly attended showcase? Or better yet, I could reference every club I've worked for while casually leaving out key details, like that The Ohio Funny Farm is actually just a closet under a hotel staircase or how when I say I "frequently appear at The Comedy Store" what I really mean is that I "occasionally do drugs in their bathroom." Or maybe you want me to be like, "Curtis Cook has opened for legends like Dave Attell" just 'cause I once spent a week featuring for him while he was doing a run of shows for the express purpose of making enough money to buy his mom a new security system – which I know because when I said, “Hey, man, it's cool to meet you," he very kindly replied, “I'm only doing this 'cause my mom needs a new security system." Is that what you want, you fuckin' sickos?! And why does Dave Attell's mom have so many enemies?!

Just come to my goddamn shows, okay? Think of them like standup Instagram reels, but with laughter. By the way: My jokes have gotten millions of views online. That means something to people, and if you're one of those people, you disgust me. In fact, why are you even reading this? Are you like, "Oh, if the bio is cute, maybe the live performance will be funny?” That's a ridiculous thing to do.